Hello world, this is Robbi Machin coming to you live from Melbourne, Australia, where I will be chronicling my journey as I enter public life as a woman. Starting a few days ago I made the transition from male to female out in the open and I finally feel like I'm making real progress. After hiding my true self for roughly half my life, I came out to a few close friends about a year ago that I felt like a woman trapped in a mans body and didn't want to hide it anymore. The overwhelming support I gained from everyone I told really helped me overcome my biggest fear, the general public, and allowed me to finally stop hiding my true self from the world and embrace my inner beauty.
For those who don't know me, a little background info is required. I'm a 30 year old graphic designer who, up until this point, has been presenting as my birth sex, male. After moving to Melbourne a few years ago and finding out just how diverse this place is, it seemed like the kind of city where I might be able to be myself. Sadly it was alcohol that first brought this out, when I drunkenly (and very emotionally) told my friends that I had these feelings about dressing as a woman for years. Once it was out, I decided to seek out councilling not only for this, but my general anxiety and stress, and also see an image consultant to help me out with learning fashion and make up.
Some doctors have been better than others, while some have been downright useless, but overall I've managed to create a good support network from specialists and other trans girls. I've joined local trans groups, made some great friends through them, and learned a lot about how to trust that everything is going to be okay. Due to time and budget constraints, some help that I was receiving has been put on hold, I'm currently not undergoing any kind of hair removal, or seeing any doctors, instead trusting friends and colleagues to help me through the mental stuff.
The hardest part about this whole thing is that, like my sexuality, I'm still caught somewhere in the middle. I'm not quite trans, falling more into the genderqueer camp, which basically means that to me, gender is fluid. It can move back and forth between being and a man, a woman, or a bit of both depending on the day. This makes some things a little hard to settle on, such as HRT and hair removal. I'm currently not undergoing either of those things and have no plans at all to have sexual reassignment surgery any time soon. Where I'm at at the moment is testing the waters, seeing how I feel as a woman in public and making 100% sure that any kind of life changing drugs or surgery would be the right move.
I will try to update daily at first, and weekly later on, about my experiences presenting as a woman in public. These will not only include any mental stuff I'll be going through, but practical issues as well, for I'm really learning now, what every little girl learned at a young age and fast tracking years of fashion and make up experimentation. I wont be holding back on any issues I'm going through, but I'd like everyone to understand I don't mean to attack anyone who is making me feel bad, rather I just need to speak aloud when I'm trying to figure my way around issues that affect me.
So I'd like to wave a fond farewell to Robert, and welcome Robbi!
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