Week 3

So the visit to the GP produced some results, I wont go into much detail but it's looking good. They just want to do some more research to make sure they can take the best care of me that they can.

Other than that, I'm starting to get the frustration that other trans girls have expressed to me when it comes to waiting on HRT. The more I see my manly features in the mirror, the more I wish that I'd started earlier. There's no point dwelling on the past though, and I'm more excited than ever that I'll be able to get started soon. My chest hair can't bugger off soon enough.

Cis people may think it's easy enough to pass as a woman, just shave everything and slap on enough make-up to cover it all up, but while that may work for a single youtube video, doing it every day before work is something else entirely. Having moved house recently, my trip to work is now longer, which means less time to get ready in the morning. I'm lucky if I squeeze in a shave, let alone make up. Also, unless you use a razor, chest hair is VERY visible as little black dots through the skin. On top of that, shaving your chest every other day leaves nasty rashes and little sores, so it's not ideal. I'm going to wait until I start HRT and then hit the waxing salon, followed shortly after by a visit to a laser hair removal specialist.

I can't wait for girls night at the end of the month, we've set a date and got a group together to give me a makeover. Each girl is going to try and give me a different look and see which one I settle on. I've already got a bit of a thing for the goth look, as I love wearing black, and lots of colours go well with it. Especially red, purple, and pink. It also means I could just wear big mens boots, and goth shoes tend to look the same on both genders. For now, I've just been buying simple t-shirts and other tops, until I find a look I'm comfy with. It was getting to a point where I ran out of womens clothes before the work week ended and wearing mens shirts isn't doing me any favours.

On the mental side of things, I'm still having some trouble accepting myself, even referring to myself as a he at times. When people call me "she" I still feel a bit weird about it, but I guess this is more just due to being a boy for 30 years and a girl for 3 weeks. As much as I want to accept myself as a woman, I've got 30 years of habits to erase, here's hoping the HRT helps with that. I also really need to lose weight before I start, as a side effect is weight gain (or women just gain weight easier than men).

On a good note, I spent friday night with a few girls from work and had a blast talking to them about girly things. Maybe it's because I spend so much time with men, but I have trouble naturally feeling like a woman around them, or with mixed groups. Once in a group of only women though, I feel right at home. It's time to broaden my friendship circle and start hanging out with the girls, in same ways they're much more fun than men, especially when drinking (I didn't touch a drop, 6 months sober). Don't worry guys, I haven't forgotten you, but you've had 30 years of Robert, time to share.

PS - If I haven't mentioned it before, the term Cis means someone who identifies with their birth assigned gender, or "normal" for most people.